While working at the elections office I met many, far too many, politicians. This experience prompted me to compose the 10 Commandments of the Professional Politician. If one were to dispose of all their principles, learn to kneel before the political gods and adapt the go-along, get-along philosophy of most government bodies, any person could be a lock for office.
Enjoy and laugh through the tears of reality.
The 10 Commandments of the Professional Politician
1. Practice class warfare. Always foment anger, envy and hatred between old/young, rich/poor, black/white, liberal/conservative.
2. Lie to get elected. Lie to get reelected.
3. Sell your influence to the highest bidder. Money is political grease , smear yourself with it. Special interests have the most money. Give them an all-access pass. The private citizen has nothing so give nothing.
4. Ignore the wishes of the electorate. Promote your own agenda, always and in all ways. When caught employ #1, #9 and #10.
5. Always look to a higher office. The voters elected you to your present position because of their faith in you to do the job. Ignore them. Your only job is self-promotion and self-advancement.
6. Attach yourself to legislation that will become law no matter how onerous. Avoid legislation that may fail even if it’s worthwhile. Don’t taint your precious name.
7. Understand that taxpayers are just that, payers. Think of them as two-legged ATM machines that should be visited often. Always remember that, as a professional politician, you instinctively know better how someone else’s money should be spent.
8. Understand the power of shame and humiliation. When someone of lesser station – we call them constituents – questions your judgment, policies, legislation etc., shame and humiliation are the answer. See the 1st Commandment.
9. Govern from the stage of fear and intimidation. Remember your superiority. Never forget that you are “above all others.” Therefore, stand while slopping at the trough. Step on the underlings, they are beneath you
10. As we speak of that holy trough of tax money that has been filled by the working class, remember this. That money is there for you to use to buy votes. Standing by the precinct handing out $10. bills is tacky. The proper and accepted method is to pass legislation giving away something for nothing; this is the Chicago Method.
*Editors Note: Sunbeam Times Contributor Gary West offers some pithy insights on the ruling principles of politicians! If you have a piece you would like published on the Sunbeam Times, email Editor Dr. David McKalip at firstname.lastname@example.org.